A school situated in the lovely fuckin ass-crack of the universe! The guys are sexy stallions and the girls are totally starving whores... if a fuckin text-book is seducing them. President John Roush is so prestigious, he has his very own table at OfuckinCharleys (our most Gaudy and lavish dining facility)... Centre College is riddled with diversity, which rears its illustrious face in the form of ONE, yes one, offensively stereotypical Asian... And if youre lookin for sweet ride - just pick from our endless selection of which luxurious pre-1995 Kia Spectra you want straight out of the parking lot (no key needed) theres fuckin plenty to go round. Centre offers a wide variety of delectable food-choices! You can chose from an array of quisine, ranging from Grand Marnier Road Kill to a special blend of ol KY Coffee (Dont wear white undies, the Diahhrea really sneeks up on you until you build up a tollerance...) The girls have more facial hair than the boys, and theres a scum-bag underground gaming society... that is more popular than any of the frats... But wo is me, Centre isnt all bad - at least for your convinience, theyve made it so you can count all the hot girls at the college on ONE of your measly fingers so that you dont lose time counting those hot girls when you could be grinding out some sweet studying for that new class youre taking on beastiality. (Compensation for the girls... and seriously - when you go Monkey, you NEVER go back... they can show you love with their hands AND feet, baby!) The teachers demand to be called dr. - because theyre so pissed that their fuckin 10 years of schooling landed them in the anus of America... can you blame em?? But worry not, there is culture if you seek it - visit the Centre College art gallery, where youll find an array of stimulating art pieces including an original Auguste Rodin (purchased in 1998 from a clearence table at Good Will). But fear not, my friends, at least we have fresh beef, straight from the slaughter house down the street. Nothing lights your day up like seeing a truckload of cute, mooing calfs seconds away from their impending doom. And you never would have thought youd consider yourself so lucky to be buried in a NYC dumpster after death, but its lookin pretty sweet right now... But, all in all, If youre looking for:
a great time
lovely girls
the best education money can buy
a spectacular place to reside
somewhere you could really settle down with a family
endless opportunities to make money
diversity
culture
fashion
divine ethnic quisine
sophistication beyond your wildest dreams
and... even a place to get a delicious stake
then...
ABOUT FACE, MOTHER FUCKER! TURN AND RUN, AND DONT STOP UNTIL YOU SEE GAYS! LOTS OF THEM!!
