Smarmier major nits

[Rihanna]

A Smarmier Major Nits, often shortened to Smarmy is a classically tall dark and handsome man with incredibly beautiful siblings.
He attracts the attention of only the most beautiful of women.
He names pets very unusual names and is [tight fisted] when giving gifts.
If you are lucky enough to receive a gift from a Smarmier Major Nits it will PROBABLY be a form of cutlary... excluding a knife.
Smarmier Major Nits are highly educated and are usefull when a dictionary or thesaurus are not at hand.
They can often be found socialising with ninjas and model like creatures.
They have been seen to drive unmarked vans and often smell of sweets whilst sporting dark clothes and a balaklava on the weekends after indulging in copious amounts of alcohol.
They often dont turn up to when invited to places, spend their time [treasure hunting] in peoples ears, being drawn on whilst they rest singing i [shot the sheriff] whilst largely intoxicated and doing the eyebrow dance off the [cadburys] advert.
All in all the Smarmier Major Nits is an unusual creature which should be monitored