Sub-primate

[Dave Paprocki]

In 2001A.D., a new species of man/woman was discovered in the southern region of California, Orange county. This mutant species wasn’t found by scientists, there were discovered by lending institutions. This new species is called, “Sub-Primate,” and they’re direct descendants of all who are [Nigger Rich].
Huddled in apartment complexes throughout the region, the species began growing in vast numbers due to attractive lease incentives offered by their local Audi, BMW, Infinity, Lexus, and Mercedes Benz dealerships. Basking in the “Ohhhs and Ahhhs” of being seen in their leased chariots, the Sub-Primates began to yearn for more out their meager existence.
One evening, while acting like they actually had two pennies to rub together down at the local Starbucks, Sub-Primates from the [Ladera Ranch] Tribe overheard some grunts and [cackles] of the [Aliso Viejo] Tribe. These grunts and cackles told a story of how a 28 year old Blockbuster employee, without a high school diploma, .[15 in] his [savings account] opened by his grandmother when he was born, wearing [low-rider] wigger pants, just walked into a bank, gave some guy a dollar, and now owns a million dollar home for a payment of just .00 more than the lease payment on his BMW 745I.
Soon after what was to be just another evening of nursing one Expresso Roast for 6 hours, entire apartment complexes were vacated, million dollar homes were being erected, and life, as we once knew it, became a scene out of the great film Idiocracy. And just like in the movie, the Sub-Primates were content, wandering through life aimlessly and shamelessly, looking forward to the sequel of the movie, “Ass.”
The moral to this story, as well as the Sub-Primate species is simply this: If you don’t have a fucking dollar to your name, don’t go out and buy anything! If someone is working at Blockbuster, McDonalds, Del Taco, they can’t afford a fucking million dollar home. If you loan money to these fuckers, you should be hunt down and executed with extreme prejudice. If you purchase land, [build houses], and sell to these fuckers (William Fucking [Lyon]), then you can go the fuck broke, and don’t even think of [greasing] D. C.’s palms for fucking handouts. And as speculated, when 2010 rolls around, when real estate will begin to balance out, maybe someone won’t be [on the take] like fucking George W. Bush and his [crony]’s!
[Carls Jr]., FUCK YOU!