Derpes

[Raeanne Dimick]

A [terminal disease] that took its [namesake] from herpes. Can be contracted as a result of prolonged exposure to / conversation with trolls or even just overly stupid people.
If contracted, stay indoors and contact your [GP] immediately, but do not - under any circumstances - converse with them for any longer than needed, lest you infect them in turn with Derpes.

[Hina Muqadas]

An [internetly] transmitted disease, known as an I.T.D. Symptoms include:

Sweaty Fingers
Uncontrollable desire to say [derp].
Hunger
Fatigue
Cyber Sex Sessions as to [propagate] the disease.
Chat sessions as to propagate the I.T.D

How to cure:
No known cure has been found, yet. [Derp].