Scotching

[Gregory]

What [Pork Scotch] does all day long and never gets bored doing it. This detestable activity includes wearing silly shorts youve no right to wear when youre well into your 60s, rattling [bunches] of keys because it makes you feel important, going out with ugly goofy old women, driving a ridiculous [half-car], wearing snot-yellow coats because youre terrified of a drop of rain, listening to gay South African music and most importantly having a barbecue at least once a day in the Summer.

[Renato]

present participle of scotch