Dead weighters

[Dave Paprocki]

Gym members, often men (and in rare occasions women), who roam in packs and have loud conversations (on subjects ranging from women to beer to women). Often [dead weighters] will [hold court] near the section of the gym where the free weights can be found. They are often in good physical shape despite the average age of a dead weightier being 38. They are considered loud and annoying and intimidating to anyone outside of their peer group. More often than not, dead weighters will have an unexplainable close relationship with a aerobics instructor at said gym, with whom they flirt with shamelessly (despite that the dead [weighter] is often old enough to be her father.)