Seattleites

[PussyCat]

Most definitly not one in resemblence to this other definition here. Just to let you know they are probably from Portland, Oregon. Portland is the sad, wimpy little brother who wishes he could live up to the expectations that Seattle fulfills.

[Zipporah Schumaker]

Lots of Seattleites think they are victims of government or capitalism. Look what youve done with my life! or How dare you impose this government upon me! is their furious motto. They hang out in little revolutionary coffee shops plotting their next direct action or meaningless protest. Some may openly flaunt Communist badges or paraphernalia. Other Seattleites are ginormous yuppies so full of themselves their hot ego fog blinds their ability to see anything clearly. These people drive around in some trendy hybrid dick-ass car or bike to work (knowing nothing of vehicular cycling) making SURE they disobey every single traffic law possible while looking like a total spandex assfag. Then, there are the true Seattleites who were born here and basically think other Seattleites deserve to be executed. These are the silent urban trolls who will violently attack any innocent conversation traveling their direction. Youre not from here? ARE YOU! (motherfucker implied) is a beautiful and customary greeting of the natives. Everyone in Seattle pretty much completely despises everyone else in Seattle for living in THEIR Seattle. Seattleites are officially the worlds most pussified and temperamental people that have ever existed.

[Zipporah Schumaker]

I hate all of you fucking pretentious, dirty, smelly, ugly liberals that populate such a God-forsaken hell hole. You go around thumbing your nose at any and everything that is not exactly like you or doesnt fit perfectly into the way your shriveled little brain works. Your flannel shirts can fuck off. Your 501s suck. Your motherfucking goddamn tevas are DISGUSTING and even you know that Birkenstocks are just flatout wrong. The majority of women are seriously fucked up in the head ([headcase], [psycho bitch]) and would not think twice about fucking your best friend and then telling you about it, just because you kept her goddamn (insert any object here) for too long. And Ive never in my life seen such a pathetic bunch of whiny, pessimistic, obnoxious-for-no-reason, DELUDED, closeted males. Seattleites hate everything, including other Seattleites and especially non-natives. Its because they all have [rain brain]. Gee, do you think it can rain for ANOTHER day in a row? Anyone seen Noah?