Consultant


    Consultant


  • A self-proclaimed expert that extorts inflated fees from a host company in return for vague and predominently incorrect business advice.
    The successful consultant detaches from its host at the exact moment its parasitic qualities are discovered by upper management. Thus, the successful consultants term of engagement will last from months to years, until a mildly attentive decision-maker realizes that their burning ray of hope is all talk. Note that some middle managers and all other employees of the host will immediately recognize the consultant as a pathogen.
    In order to gain access to a viable host, the consultant preys upon upper managements lack of job expertise and unrealisistic dreams of grandure. By using a string of buzz-words and metaphors that appear as incoherent babble to most humans, the consultant will usually succeed in gaining an assignment to fix a non-existant problem purportedly caused by the hosts employees.


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  • Consultant


  • A man who knows 500 different ways to make love, but doesnt know any women.


  • Consultant


  • Someone who borrows your watch to tell you the time, and then walks off with it


  • Consultant


  • Glorified business hooker, typically hired by a consulting whorehouse, which pimps out its consultants to clients, then proceed to fuck the consultants over until theyre pleased (or until the consultants are dead), pay the whorehouse big bucks, leaving the consultant with little commission (including some hotel and airline points) and lasting trauma.


  • Consultant


  • A bullshit artist who is paid to provide ideas to managers, who then make the ideas appear to employees as if they were their own. Meanwhile, the consultant runs off to the the service of another client in order to avoid being around to take the blame when their obscurantist, superficial ideas are actually implemented.


  • Consultant


  • A person who will never make six figures and will definitely not be able to have a starting salary of ,000. Consultants are often considered the least interesting people in the office, and are often hated by everyone.


 



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