Hallmark keepsake ornaments

[Ernesto]

Small plastic trinkets, generally made in China, that are sold nearly year-round in [Hallmark] stores across America. These items are almost completely worthless, though many insist that they are extremely collectible. Though generally cheaply made, these ornaments have the power to cast a spell over those who buy them, often resulting in customers spending well over to own each and every one (and then ending up storing them in an attic because NO ONE has enough room to hang them all). To perpetuate this madness, Hallmark executives formed a [Keepsake] [Ornament] [Collectors] Club, which has a surprisingly large number of members. For the low, low price of , members can choose two inherently ugly club exclusive ornaments and receive their very own paper membership cards. Then they have the option of buying other club exclusive ornaments that are sure to have great value to other rabid collectors in the future. Of course, what the executives do not want the public to know is that any club exclusive ornaments not sold by Christmas will be available to the general public.
Keepsake Ornaments are released every year in early July (at a sickening event known as Ornament Premiere), and remain up until well after Christmas. Hardcore collectors can start ordering them in early June, when the [ornament] catalogue (inappropriately titled the Dreambook) becomes available in Hallmark stores. Sane people, of course, have learned to avoid the ornament premiere, thus [sparing] themselves from seeing the disturbing sight of a poor college student sweating in a [Christmas sweater] and passing out [Christmas cookies] when everyone else in the store is walking around in shorts and tank tops.