Armchair infantry

[PussyCat]

Most commonly found on internet forums for first-person-shooter games set in modern times like Counter-Strike and Battlefield 2, the Armchair Infantry spends his day browsing gun sites (chiefly http://world.guns.ru) memorizing every factual statistic about every weapon known to man. In any instant, the Armchair Infantry can deliver to you every possible statistic about any of an obscure line of military-grade weapons that never even saw live combat.
Armchair Infantry are easy to identify. If they have an avatar, more often then not it is the logo of [the United States Marine Corp]. If they have a signature, its almost always a Barrett sniper rifle, or a guy hiding in a bush with a rifle (that may or may not be a Barrett). Your typical Armchair Infantry will hide behind a veil of lies to reinforce their point; the most common and effective being that they own several of the military weapons and are pure [marksmen] with them. Slightly rarer, but more effective, is the Armchair Veteran, who protects his ass with unearned respect by insisting that theyve fought in ANY number of real-world conflicts: Iraq, Afghanistan, Kuwait, Bosnia, Grenada... If the debate is about the Vietnam war, you damn well know that these guys will crawl [out of the woodwork], insisting that they served 4 tours in Vietnam. If its about Kuwait, suddenly they tell you about [Operation Desert Storm] as if they were there [firsthand].
When provoked, the Armchair Infantry will pull out a dazzling number of facts that theyve almost completely copy-pasted off another website. In a conversation about a military asset of some sort, they will be determined to convince you beyond a shadow of a doubt that theyve fired/flown/driven whatever it is theyre talking about. The goal being, of course, to convince you, someone who isnt hiding behind the Armchair Infantry persona, that they have much more experience then you (which they dont), and therefore are right, and youre an idiot.
In their FPS games of choice, these veterans generally play as a sniper whenever they can, clinging to an [emo-esque] image of a [lonewolf] cold-blooded killer out for revenge, or some cliche bullshit like that.
The irony of the Armchair Infantry is that most have never even been around a real gun outside of [Boyscout] Camp. Even more arent even old enough to enlist.
If you ever meet an Armchair Infantry, patronize and mock them. Theres a [slim chance] that yes, they DID fly an [A-10] in the Gulf War (because you know how many 40-year-old Veterans play FPS games to recreate a war they saw people die in), but theres a far greater chance that theyre utterly full of shit.