A Westside Whittler is a birchball player who possess the glove of [Ozzie] Smith, the bat of [Babe Ruth], the speed of Ricky Henderson and the arm of [Vladimir Guerrero]. Whittlers are the cream of the crop of all of humanity. Losing is not in a Whittlers vocabulary. If you should come upon a Westside Whittler, shake their hand and never wash it, that is the closest you will ever get to meeting a birchball God.

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